Dreams anecdotes are one of the most popular topics in folk oral folklore. After all, everyone is sleeping, and everyone dreams . Thus, the "theme" of dreams can be very different, just as the dreams themselves can be varied.
Here are the most popular and funny jokes about sleep. We sorted them by characters and situations.
Dreams and medicine
Traditionally, they come to doctors with complaints of insomnia or nightmares. But those are the same people as you and I ...
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- Doctor, tell me, what is the best sleep - head west or east?
“Ah, darling, sleeping is best in the West.” And the whole ...
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Keep in mind that sleeping on the stomach is bad for the intestines, on the back for the spine. Do not lie on your right side - your liver will hurt, you will sleep on your left side - heart failure is guaranteed. The program "Live great!" wishes you good dreams!
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- Doctor, I had a dream that I was the leader of the cannibal tribe, and my fellow tribesmen ate my wife all night ...
“Well, that was just a dream!”
“Yes, but where did my wife go?”
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The boxer had a terrible dream that the pear had given him back, the milkmaid had the impression that she was being milked by a cow, and the pathologist dreamed that he had received a call to congratulate all his patients on his birthday.
Husband and wife, or One man had a dream
Jokes about a man’s dream, of course, cannot but affect family relationships.
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One man says to another:
- Count it, I had a nightmare at night: Marilyn Monroe, Sharon Stone and my wife Zinka had a fight for the right to sleep with me.
- Why a nightmare?
- So Zinka won!
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A tired man came home from work, had supper, went to bed, and around something his wife and mother-in-law flickered, they did not allow to relax. The mother-in-law demands that he hang a clothesline, his wife - that he poured poison from rats.
“Yes, I understand,” he mutters through a dream. - What is incomprehensible? Hang the mother-in-law and pour poison for the wife ...
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Husband in a dream:
- Liu-yuba ... Lyuba!
The wife slows him down:
“What kind of Lyuba is this?”
Husband waking up immediately:
- Love, brothers, love, love, brothers live ...
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- Something you yourself are not your own, what happened?
- Well, my wife has been dreaming for a week that she is dating Putin.
- So what?
“I demanded that she stop this business!”
- Well?
- And last night I had a dream of the FSB general and said that it would be better if I did not poke my nose where they did not ask.
These students are always falling asleep at lectures ...
Morning. Lecture. As usual, a rare nerdy. And the teacher watches, does not give a nap.
Jokes about the dreams of students and schoolchildren also differ in their diversity and variety of situations.
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- Student Petrov! You sleep again at the lecture!
“I'm not sleeping, Ivan Ivanovich.”
“Why are my eyes closed?”
“I'm just blinking slowly.”
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Schoolboy Valentin Sidorov set a world record for the duration of sleep. In a history lesson, he fell asleep in the 17th century, and woke up when the First World War began.
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At the lecture, one student to another:
- Hey, you hold the book upside down.
- Leave me alone, too, Freud.
- What does Freud have to do with it?
- Where does the book come from? Tell me also that I look between her pages ...
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The professor is tired of the student floating in the exam and asks:
- Okay. What was the last lecture about, remember?
The student is silent.
“And who read it, remember?”
The student is silent.
- Leading question: you or me?
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After the lecture, the student approaches the teacher and asks:
- Tell me, Pyotr Ivanovich, and when you go to bed, do you put a beard on top of the blanket or under?
- I don’t know, to be honest, I never thought ...
A week later, this student comes to the exam to the teacher, and he said:
- Do not see you three, as their ears!
- Why?
“I haven’t slept for a week - and so uncomfortable, and so!”
General recommendations for trying to fall asleep
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To fully sleep, you need to drink a soothing herbal decoction, take a relaxing bath and throw a grenade at these morons screaming under the window!
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If you have insomnia, just counting sheep is not enough. Let each sheep tell you his biography.
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“Have you had a dream about monkeys and a hippo?”
- No...
- Be sure to look!