The problems associated with the love triangle are as old as the world. These difficult relationships have inspired many authors to create literary works and feature films. People’s humor did not ignore this topic. Therefore, a joke about a lover or lover does not lose its relevance. As an independent subgenre of folklore, it always remains popular and in demand. We offer the reader a selection of funny stories with the participation of the above characters.
Joke about husband's wife and lover
Opposition rivals devoted a lot of stories and tales. Indeed, the ingenuity of the fair sex in the art of war knows no equal. We present to the reader's attention funny jokes about lovers who believe that all means are good in war, and wives who do not give up their positions.
The wife had long suspected that her husband had a passion on the side. For a long time she thought about how to catch the unfaithful spouse in the act and find out with whom he had an affair. Having once looked into the glove compartment of his car, she found a whole package of male contraceptives. The revenge plan ripened instantly. The deceived wife punctured each rubber product with a needle, and then lowered the entire packaging with impaired integrity into a strong tincture of Chilean pepper. One could only expect when the trap will work. Just a couple of days later, a friend called her and said with tears that she was in the hospital, as she was experiencing a terrible burning sensation in an intimate place. The next call came from her husband’s doctor. He insisted on an immediate examination of the woman, because her husband revealed strange symptoms - redness and burning (you guess where in that place).
The following joke about the mistress tells the story of tactics of word processing and far-reaching strategy.
The wife went on a business trip, while the husband is having fun in their house with his mistress. Having plenty of frolic, both lie tired in bed. Mistress says:
- Honey, tell me, do you really love me?
- Sure.
“More than his wife?”
- This is a difficult question.
“Why is it complicated?” Everything seems obvious to me. The word "lover" comes from the word "love", and "wife" is completely incomprehensible from what word.
About a resourceful husband
Not to be caught is the main task of the unfaithful husband. In such a difficult matter, inventiveness and creativity help a lot. This joke is about a lover and her resourceful lover.
One wealthy and married man had an affair with a young employee. On Friday night, the lovers went to the country villa to enjoy each other's company. Having drunk wine and having enough tumbled in bed, they fell asleep. In the morning, the man realized that for his absence at home that night, he would have to answer to his wife. Savvy came to the rescue. He asks his mistress to take his shoes and rub his sole soles on the grass on the lawn. The girl was surprised, but fulfilled the request of her lover. Upon returning home, the unfaithful husband was immediately interrogated. Severely, the wife asked:
“Where have you been all night?”
- All this time I spent in the arms of a lover!
- Liar! Look at your shoes! You played golf again and forgot about everything!
Who is cooler?
The next joke about his wife and mistress is almost philosophical. His characters are trying to find the answer to the eternal question.
One day a lawyer, a doctor and a manager met. They discuss who has the advantage - a wife or a lover. The lawyer says: “Of course, a lover is better. If you are married and want to get a divorce, then you cannot avoid all kinds of legal problems. ” The doctor says: “No, it’s better to have a wife. Because a sense of intimate security reduces stress that affects health. ” The manager says: “You are both mistaken. In the life of a man, there must be both women. When a wife thinks that you are with a lover, and a lover thinks that you are with your wife, you can go to the office and work quietly. ”
Jokes about lovers and lovers
The boss comes to work in a fashionable new jacket. His secretary and mistress (concurrently) says: “Wow, what a beautiful thing. I used to not see her with you. "
The boss proudly replies: “My wife presented this gift to me. I am returning from a business trip ahead of time, and in the hall on the armchair lies this jacket. The wife runs out of the bedroom in his underwear. I have not seen her so excited and joyful for a long time. He says that she was preparing a surprise for my arrival. Today she bought a jacket, and tomorrow is going to buy wine. But since the business trip ended earlier, this should be urgently noted. And I ran to the store for wine. ”
*******
The hostess of the house in tears turns to her maid: “Ah, Mary, I suspect that my husband has an affair with the secretary.” The maid replies with surprise and irritation: “This cannot be! I do not believe for a second! You just say that to make me jealous! ”
A husband comes home from work ahead of time and sees that his wife is frolicing with some guy in bed. Husband: “What are you doing here?” The wife turns to her lover: “Well, see? I told you the truth: he is an idiot! ”
Suddenly
Funny jokes about lovers often have a very unexpected ending. Judge for yourself.
A man is dying. His wife is sitting at his bedside. He raises his head and says in a weak voice: "I have to confess something to you." “No need,” the wife answers. The husband insists: “No, I want to die calmly. Forgive me for all the betrayals and lies. ” The wife interrupts: "Already forgiven." The husband continues: “You do not understand! I slept with your sisters, with your friends, friends and acquaintances! ” The wife calmly: “I understand and I know everything. And now you just lie still and let the poison act. ”
And this joke about the mistress is interesting not only for its finale, but also for its originality.
The wife hired a private detective to convict her husband of treason. When photographs were taken of the unfaithful spouse in the embrace of her mistress, she exclaimed: “Oh my God! It’s difficult to even be offended, not to get divorced! This lady is worse than nuclear war! But to fight the war is not treason, but a feat!”
And if I find it?
The following jokes about her husband and mistress, which he does not have.
The wife constantly kept up her husband with her jealousy. It will find someone else's hair on a jacket, then the smell of female perfumes is taught. Once she did not find in her spouse, who came from work, nothing that could indicate treason. In tears, the wife began to shout: “Fine, now you are deceiving me with a bald cheap thing who is not able to buy perfume for yourself!”
******
In the store, an elderly lady for a long time could not decide on the choice of a jacket for her granddaughter. She turned to a young seller for advice: “Young man, what jacket would you buy for your girlfriend?” The seller smiled and replied: “Bulletproof! IM married".
Reasonably
Judged man for the murder of his wife. The judge asks: “Why did you kill your wife?”
Defendant: “I found her in bed with a neighbor.”
Judge: "Why did the choice fall on the wife, and not on the neighbor?"
Defendant: “It was easier to shoot one woman than every week a new man.”
It's a shame
One friend complains to another:
- Imagine how fate unjustly ordered. I had it all. Money, a big house, a gorgeous car and the love of a beautiful woman. But trouble came and took everything!
- Horrible! What happened?
“My wife found out.”
******
A man was released from work earlier. Calls his mistress and makes an appointment. She answers him: “Come of course. True, a friend should come to see me now, but she will stop by for a short while. ”
The guy thought that while he gets to his mistress on the other side of the city, his girlfriend will have time to leave and decided not to change plans. A man got to his destination, his mistress opens the door and says embarrassedly: “I'm sorry, but my girlfriend is still here. Let’s drink some tea together in the kitchen. ”
They pass into the kitchen, and the man sees that his girlfriend is his wife. He was not taken aback and said to his wife: “Finally I found you! I’ve already searched the whole city, and you’re sitting here by some woman and drinking tea! I wish I went to my lover! ”
It also happens
A man was driving his car at high speed in the evening. Suddenly a police patrol car appeared and began to pursue. Speakerphone calls to stop. A man from fear and surprise is gaining even higher speed. The situation became too tense, and he still stopped. A policeman comes up, demands to get out of the car and explain what is happening. The man in horror says:
“You see, my wife left the policeman yesterday.”
Patrol in perplexity: "How does this relate to speeding?"
The driver is embarrassed: “I apologize, but in the most direct way. I don’t know which policeman my wife went to. I thought that the same cop was in this car and was chasing me to get my wife back. ”
******
There are two friends who have not seen each other for many years. To celebrate, they decided to go to the pub to exchange news over a glass of beer. They chose places near the window, drink beer and talk. Suddenly one screams excitedly:
"Oh my God! There my wife is talking with my mistress! ”
Second: "Where?"
First: “Near the stop on the corner are two women. You see? My wife is on the right and her lover on the left. ”
The second is surprised: “I see, but only this is my wife and lover! The wife is on the left, and the lover is on the right. ”