Army humor is very explosive. No, not in terms of danger as such, but in terms of the fact that from some jokes you can tear your stomach from laughter. A huge number of jokes about soldiers, warrant officers, other ranks and ranks. Of course, the "storytellers" in this sense did not bypass the generals - senior ranks of our army personnel. Let us and we recall a couple of "the most-most" jokes about generals.
General - the head of everything
Yes, in the army a general has a head for everything. But quite often the generals bent over by old age or drunk officers are served up to the rank of general, so that their brains have long since dried out from time or from excessive doses of alcohol. This is where the legs of jokes about generals grow, listening to which, although you smile, you think about it.
Generals, their advanced age and addiction to bad habits
That is what the authors of the following two jokes hint at:
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Having woken up from a hangover after another drinking party and casting a look at the mess around the bed, the general calls for the adjutant. Starley is right there:
“Yes, Comrade General!”
The general says, grimacing from a headache:
“Vanya, look, there yesterday I got some drunken rubbish all my tunic vomiting ... We should clean it ...”
Starley, rummaging in general's things, stated in disgust:
- Comrade General! This drunken rubbish not only poured over your jacket, it also emptied your pants ...
***
In the morning, the adjutant tells the general:
- Comrade General! You put on a topsy-turvy pajamas!
- Yes? How did you recognize? At the seams?
“No, you put dried feces on the outside ...”
Generals and subordinates
In this section, a huge number of jokes about generals and soldiers, most of them relate to combat drill. Like, for example, this one:
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The general arranges a review of the troops. The gallant personnel are arranged in divisions on the parade ground. The general knows that nothing enhances the military spirit like communicating with ordinary soldiers face to face, and therefore comes down to the point that he approaches the lined up units and goes along the line. He comes up to one soldier, stretched out on a rack "quietly", and asks:
- What's the last name, fighter?
He replies:
- Sokolov, comrade general!
- Sokolov? - The general puts his hand on the shoulder of the soldier and gently pats. - Well done, Sokolov! Oh man! Falcon! The real treasure!
Passes on. The next soldier asks for the name. That:
- Orlov!
He claps him on the shoulder again:
- Well done, Orlov! You are an eagle with us! Eagle!
To the next:
- Last name!
- Medvedev!
- Wow! Brave fighter! Bear! The real Russian bear!
To the next:
- Last name!
- Kozlov!
The general, without waiting, laid a hand on his shoulder, but when he heard his name, he was slightly puzzled. Then, all the same, he comfortably pats him on the shoulder and condemns:
- Kozlov? Well, nothing, nothing, nothing ...
Generals in normal surroundings
The generals, like all other people, have a personal life, because they do not sit at headquarters for days and nights. And here are a few jokes about generals from the realm of life:
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The son asks his papul general:
- Dad, what about dad? And when I grow up, can I become a colonel?
- Of course, son! We will contribute a little and will definitely become!
- A general?
“Yes, and the general too.” We will contribute a little and you will be a general if you want.
- And the marshal?
- But with the Marshal, son, a snag. Marshal is not destiny.
- And why?
- Duc, the marshal’s own son is growing ...
The joke about the general in the circus deserves special attention. It is clear that the generals are accustomed to order: everyone should stand on strings, and the leaves on the trees by his arrival in the unit should be painted in the color appropriate to the time of year.
***
So, the little son persuaded the father-general to go with him to the circus. Someone is always bustling about in the arena: dogs are running, seals are lying, etc. When a whole horde of acrobats appeared in the arena, the general does not stand up and, jumping up from his place, stretching out at attention, thunderous commander's voice as he says: “Stop this mess immediately! ”
Generals in public transport
Although generals have a huge weight in military circles and drive utility vehicles with personal full-time drivers everywhere, they have to go on vacation or fly in ordinary civilian transport. As a rule, their ranks and positions are still not reached by private planes. Hence the many jokes about the generals on the train, a couple of which we will give in our material.
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The general is riding with his dog on the train. A Jew sits in a compartment with him. The general in his heart does not treat Jews very well, and in order to annoy him, he constantly trains his dog:
- Moysha, come on, sit! And now lie down, Moysha! And now the voice, Moishe, the voice!
The Jew, finally unable to stand it, addresses the general:
- It’s immediately obvious that your dog is so smart, because she is Jewish, otherwise she would have become a general ...
***
A general, a mother, a young daughter and a cadet of a military school go on a train. When the train enters the tunnel, a distinct sound of a kiss and a slap in the face suddenly sounds in the darkness.
Mother thinks to herself: "Well done, daughter, I was not taken aback, so him!"
Daughter thinks: “Fi, what strange fighters! I’m younger and more attractive, but for some reason I’m pestering my mother ... ”
The general thinks: “This is necessary! An impudent cadet, but I got a bald head! ”
The cadet thinks: “We’ll drive into the next tunnel, I’ll smack it again and charge the bream general with a bald spot!”
Conclusion
Of course, this is not even a hundredth of jokes about generals. But we hope that the ones we mentioned were also able to cheer you up. On this fun note and say goodbye. All the best to you and good mood!