The problems of the narcissistic register are the relevance of modern psychology. At the beginning of the XX century. the teaching of Z. Freud was popular because of the prevalence of hysteria, in the middle of the century it was the peak of the schizoid, but today the problems of narcissism have acquired the character of an epidemic (N. Mac-Williams, 1998).
In 1980, narcissistic personality disorder (NRL) was included in the DSM-III (nosological system for psychiatry). Many authors studied this phenomenon, it is Z. Freud, O. Kernberg, H. Kohut and others.
Signs of narcissism
According to DSM-IV, NRL is diagnosed as having 5 symptoms of the following:
- increased self-worth;
- fantasizing about success and unlimited power;
- confidence in their uniqueness, which can only be appreciated by selected people;
- desire for admiration;
- confidence in one's privilege;
- the manipulation of others;
- no empathy;
- a feeling of envy for the success of others;
- behavior with defiance and arrogance.
The personality of the daffodil is holistic, in which the signs of greatness prevail. It is dominated by primitive defense - idealization and depreciation (according to O. Kernberg, 2000). But the self-image of such people is an assessment of themselves as a dummy, a fake hero, a feeling of envy and shame; there may be polar sensations - a sense of superiority, vanity. Those. polarity of experiences. Narcissus tries to completely protect himself from any criticism. He constantly admires himself and is proud of his success. If he is presented with a complaint, he is very angry and displeased. He is unique, and everyone should treat him only as he imagines, and everyone should fulfill any of his desires.
Lack of compassion
This feeling in the daffodil is completely atrophied. The whole world is created to revolve around him and his desires. Caring for him is everyone’s duty, and you shouldn’t give thanks for it. Someone else's grief is someone else's problems, and he has nothing to do with it. The stale the daffodil, the higher he puts himself. He easily offends anyone and provokes a quarrel - so he is convinced of his irresistibility.
Self confidence
Thanks to this trait, the daffodil is difficult to convince. He constantly demonstrates self-love. He is so in love with himself that he is artificially inflamed in disputes and defends his convictions, even if no one argues with him.
Narcissus is confident in advance of his success in everything and is not trying to develop. But all his success is appearance, not reality. The most interesting lies in the internal knowledge of this. With narcissism, self-confidence can be seen in everything and is easy to recognize.
Feeling exceptional
Narcissus considers himself irresistible in everything and his capabilities are much wider. In any conversation, he transfers the conversation to himself. He does not perceive the actions of others as something significant. It is very difficult to communicate with such a person, it is impossible to reach him.
Nausea is caused by his mannerism and pride. He is so repulsive by these people that he often remains lonely. But what is most interesting is that such a person sincerely suffers in life and precisely from himself. This does not give him the opportunity to truly enjoy life.
The difference between the concepts of narcissism and narcissistic trauma
What is the difference between narcissistic trauma and narcissistic character? When working with such a person, it is always important to understand: the patient has a similar character structure (primary narcissism) and secondary narcissism - trauma. These phenomena are different, although the clinic is often common.
The pathological character is formed, first of all, as a result of the narcissistic influence of parents in early childhood on the child ("Be obedient, smart, quiet, kind, etc. - that is, the way I want, and then I will love you.") . In such a child, a false, false self appears.
A narcissistic trauma, or a secondary narcissistic disorder, occurs later when the basis of character is already formed. In other words, at first the character is formed, and trauma is put on it. A situation leading to narcissistic trauma can be a situation of humiliation, shame, violence, shame, and as a result of such a situation a person loses self-esteem.
The daffodils have a split in the I within one modality (target setting of speech). It can be a splitting, a split into a grandiose and devalued self, for example. For the injured, a split between different modalities of the I is characteristic: for example, between cognition and emotions - emotions and feelings in a person self-supersede. At the same time, the man firmly believed that he was not like the others, his true feelings and needs were disgusting, and it was impossible to show them to others so that they would not trample and run after you with a hooting crowd.
And what remains? To bluff, to behave like a god, without small human attachments and needs, that is, to be invulnerable. In such a bluff, many daffodils are very successful. But bluffing always, even the most perfect one, remains a bluff, and any contact with people causes a feeling of excruciating shame (sometimes later, if not immediately).
If you get into difficult situations, and there are many more in people's lives, the need for a supportive Other (no matter how the narcissus kicks off from himself) becomes actualized and crawls out. In such cases, retraumatization occurs. Why? Because many will recoil from the hero, as parents once, if "he did not deserve it." It turns out a vicious circle. Awareness of these points depends on the magnitude of the lesion.
In the anamnesis of such people, one can often note an early emotional rejection on the part of loved ones - parents, even in deep childhood. A person with such an injury did not receive enough parental care and warmth in those periods when he really needed it.
Narcissistic trauma can be received before a generally normal person. If his true self is rejected in a difficult situation for him, and a person is forced to confront life circumstances leading to the destruction of self-identity and loss of self-esteem. It breaks down and experiences severe pain.
Causes of narcissism
These reasons determine the problem of personality development:
- low self-esteem;
- excessive custody of parents - the child begins to believe that he himself will not be able to do anything in this life.
By itself, he will not grow up and will constantly seek approval for the correctness of his actions from others. It's very hard.
Psychological trauma
Psychological trauma gives an impetus to the formation of beliefs that other people should only be as you imagine. There are other causes of narcissism that are not related to parenting. In any case, this is the wrong approach to life.
The cause of secondary narcissism is narcissistic trauma. It overloads the ego and knocks out the course of life. A person is unable to digest life conflicts, assimilate what has happened humiliation, depreciation, violence and shame. The inability to survive the situation usually arises due to the absence at that moment of internal foundations or loved ones who can support, empathize and show empathy.
Narcissistic trauma, like any other, can cause post-traumatic stress disorder and the appearance of dissociative signs of phenomena (distraction, depersonalization, dissociative disorders, etc.) (N.V. Tarabrina, 2007). In post-injury, a person does not comprehend the event and does not want to remember and talk about it. He loses the ability to react emotionally to his surroundings and ceases to feel connected with his affective sphere. His relations with relatives are broken, the sphere of interests becomes different. This is the splitting between the different modalities of the self-concept.
A person can work, think, as if in contact with the environment, but at the same time the "emotional" modality has already separated and instead of emotions, he says "hello, tree."
The main feelings of traumatic
Shame is a sense of one’s own badness, worthlessness, a feeling that I am invaluable. This feeling begins in childhood, and someone significant for the child can inspire it. Having matured, a person already says this to herself in her inner voice.
Guilt - did not live up to the expectations of his / her parents, did not become what he could become, did not reach, could not, did not show, etc. To get rid of this painful feeling, daffodils transfer guilt to others, and for a short time the inner voice calms down.
Anxiety - the absence of a clear inner core, shame and guilt keep a person constantly in alarm. Internal resources do not work, and internal emptiness appears.
Fear of encountering one’s own insignificance, unnecessity manifests itself in the fact that the daffodil attacks and blames the other or goes into depression. The most interesting thing is that “doing something in order to be loved” is so familiar to many children that it is surprising: “How could it be otherwise ?!”
Can anyone help?
Work with narcissistic trauma involves the restoration of his self, especially the affective part of the ego. Idealization or depreciation should be accepted by the psychologist kindly, empathically empathize. Repetition of the injury is possible if the patient’s internal resources are sufficient in a warm, supportive atmosphere.
Narcissism treatment
Narcissistic trauma treatment is required, because it makes a person suffer. The patient should try to form an adequate self-esteem so that he learns to respect others.
Empathy development
It is possible to form it only with full dedication. How to live with narcissistic trauma? It is necessary to lead to the notion that constantly listening only to yourself is unacceptable; you cannot satisfy only your needs. Look around and see that there are a lot of those who need help and support more than you.
Group psychotherapy
One of the methods of healing narcissistic trauma is group psychotherapy. This is a great way to treat those who are used to practicing narcissism. We need trainings on self-development, where it will be necessary to help others. This will help get rid of their imaginary superiority over others. All this is like teaching your baby the first steps.
An interesting fact is that men respond faster and heal earlier. This is due to the fact that if he realizes that there is a family where they expect him and depend on him, this concept remains forever and does not go away. And the woman is trying to rely on her husband and make him a source of her problems and benefits.
How to cure a narcissistic trauma in a daffodil? Tact, but persistent.
It is necessary to gently confront with the client’s grandeur, to interpret the protective mechanisms used by him (idealization and depreciation) and to clarify his feelings such as envy, selfishness and greed. Work with a traumatic person should be based on the maximum manifestation of empathy and support so that he can painlessly reshape his narcissistic trauma in a situation of psychotherapy.
The criterion for the cure of narcissistic trauma is the feeling of being like everyone else, the realization that there is nothing vile and shameful in your feelings and needs, that others feel and want the same.
Traumatic behavior
How to treat narcissistic trauma? You can get rid of low self-esteem only by working on yourself and eliminating the reason that led to protective narcissism. It must be realized that the opinions of others and the orientation on him did not bring happiness to anyone. All people are different, and everyone has their own concept of happiness. For any questions, always have an opinion.
Only the daffodil can turn back. For his life, he probably accumulated a lot of minor and major injuries with which he did not even think to work for the purpose of his release.
To help himself, he must himself see the essence of his injury, how he creates it for himself and why. Without his sincere desire, no change will happen.
What should parents do with small people?
A child is not only a small copy of parents, it is a person with his desires and concepts. Since NRL begins in childhood, keep in mind: children are prone to narcissism from birth, and if someone expresses it especially, the worst thing you can do is to emphasize that you love, praise for something.
“If you don’t wash your ears, nobody will love you.” "Well, how many fives brought today?" etc. These are not just words, they are nails to the brain of the future daffodil. Love your child just because he is yours. Whatever he brings from school. Narcissus needs to get ahead.
Play ahead with the daffodil. If a child boasts of a craft and shouts: “Dad, look how I can do it”, that means he ALREADY received less attention. What is the result? In the long run - a feeling of shame and eternal discontent.
If you compliment the daffodil only when asked, he will decide that something is doing wrong. Don't they praise me? Am I doing wrong? It is better to direct his craving for self-expression to a healthy course.
Conclusion
So, the question is only one: does the narcissist want to help himself? If he wants, he will find opportunities and people who can help him in researching his trauma and getting rid of all accumulated problems without including chronological time.