Laughter is the most positive emotion that can only be, and the best way to spend time in a company. Many people like Petrosyan’s jokes. You can simply read funny sketches or retell them to friends. This humor will be appropriate in any company. Here are the best miniatures of the artist for his long career.
The most interesting jokes
Here are Petrosyan’s jokes that absolutely everyone likes.
Case near a maternity hospital. In the darkness, a silhouette of a man is visible. The man smokes nervously.
- Well, when it is already there, it would be faster ...
- Petushkova, give birth! shouts the midwife from the corridor.
- Finally! I'm flying already!
The figure throws a cigarette and leaves.
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I recently went on a business trip, was going for a long time, and all the time I was instructing my wife: do not change, do not bring lovers - I will find out! He didn’t even get on the plane, SMS comes from an unfamiliar number: “Dear customer, congratulations, your conjugal debt has been completely repaid! Sincerely, Aerodom company. This is a service.
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I once stood at the hospital, they wrote out a relative, and I saw this picture:
- Lena, who is it with us?
- Vanya, we have a boy!
- Nastya, who?
- Katyusha! We have Katyusha!
- Karina! ... Karina! Oh Karin, how do you turn on the washing machine?
- The cord must be inserted into the tee, and then press the large button ...
- Thanks! - runs away faster.
- But I gave birth!
“Well done!” He ran away.
Small jokes
Petrosyan’s short jokes will be appropriate during breaks in a large company:
- To extend life by five years, you need to constantly engage in sports. About 8 years ...
- Granny was shocked and was at a standstill when Lenya arrived already chubby.
- The main mystery of nature: how do pigeons manage to dirty a dark car with white and a light black?
The funniest jokes of Petrosyan
For the third lesson, the student swore through the word. The teacher got tired of this, she decided to ask:
“Petya, do you know what that means?”
- Naturally! This means that dad was having problems with the car.
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Recently I was in the theater, there was such an announcement: “Please do not leave valuables and money in your pockets. Understand, the cloakroom worker has a very small salary! ”
April jokes
This month is the most fun, and all thanks to April Fool's Day. Jokes of Petrosyan are more relevant than ever.
Evgeny Vaganovich has repeatedly told how to play a trick on his colleagues and family:
- Big-eyed draw. Imagine that you wake up in the morning and go sleepy into the kitchen. You open the refrigerator to get granola and milk, and here dozens of eyes look at you! You wake up immediately, agree? And to do this is very easy. It is enough in the store for creativity to get eyes on a sticky basis and stick them on everything you can find in the refrigerator. Revived tomatoes and eggs will cheer anyone on April Day.
- A joke for colleagues. Everyone knows the pillow that makes indecent and funny sounds. But if office employees are used to your jokes and always look around before sitting down? You can purchase a small hearth and attach it under an office chair. And when the next victim sits on him, there will be a rumble that will frighten at first, and then will amuse everyone.
Eugene likes to joke on absolutely different topics. His remarks can cheer you up even on the most sad and rainy day. The best jokes of Petrosyan on various topics:
- Have you noticed that the higher the post a person occupies, the less often he appears at work?
- If an office worker stays idle for 10 minutes, he will automatically go into sleep mode.
- Nothing can cheer up like a good strong brewed coffee in the morning, of course, after you drank a glass of five-star cognac.
- You know what I thought. Candlelight dinner is not easy romance, it is also an excellent remedy for hemorrhoids.
Another funny story from Petrosyan. Somehow a nephew with huge eyes came to me and says:
- I moved from my parents to my apartment, some bills came, well, I paid them, I look after a month again, and then again and again ... In vain I probably, right?
- What in vain?
- Paid for the first time. Housing and communal services thought that I was a sucker, and bred me for money?
Funny jokes from the Crooked Mirror program
“Crooked Mirror” is a humorous program that probably every inhabitant of Russia has seen. It was originally broadcast on Channel One. And after today, the troupe performs on the channel "Russia". The performances with jokes of Yevgeny Petrosyan and under his leadership are very diverse, here are musicals, and theater miniatures, and even parodies. Here are some of them.
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So love stupid questions. Recently I walked along the street and heard a brilliant answer to one of them:
- Have you fallen?
- No, the ankle brushed her hair sharply, so I decided to scratch her on the asphalt.
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In the evening, the whole family sat in front of the TV and solved a crossword puzzle, and there was such a question: "Profanity from three letters." Well, of course, I immediately realized what it was, but still decided to check in the answers. That's right: checkmate, not what you thought!
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I recently decided to play bowling with friends, I’m calling to reserve:
- Hello, can I order a track from you for today?
- Yes, of course, but how many grams do you want?
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The bride, after she and the groom filed an application, says:
- Dear, when you and I are married, we will definitely solve all the problems together?
“But, love, we have no problem ?!”
- I say, after the wedding!
Puzzles with a joke
This is one of Eugene’s favorite tricks, which he constantly uses to keep the audience’s attention. Jokes of Petrosyan can also be an excellent accompaniment for any holiday. If you celebrate a birthday with your family, then the host and host can be replaced by yourself. One has only to learn the funny jokes of Petrosyan, because he is really a great comedian.
- Recently came an evil nephew from school. My sister ran around him for a long time, asked him questions, he didn’t say anything at all, and then said: “What does one half of an orange look like?” We thought for half a night, we ran with answers to him, but all was not right. Do you know what? In the second half!
- What is the most popular gift after a holiday for your husband? Horns.
- Do you know what happens between a lizard and a not-so-diligent student? They both have tails.
- What has been in water, and in fire, and even in copper pipes? Of course, moonshine.
- I read the riddle in the children's magazine, it’s good that the answers are written right there. Which woman constantly rubs about you, and after that constantly demands money? Conductor in public transport at rush hour.
Top of the best jokes of Evgeny Petrosyan
The artist constantly writes scripts for his humorous performances, a great many have accumulated them. Although every performance of Eugene is gorgeous, there are Petrosyan's top jokes, which are presented below.
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Very often, a comedian likes to joke about women, here is one of the most popular sketches. Want to know how the female brain works? Then open 100 tabs at the same time on your computer!
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And here is the top joke about athletes, which Eugene loves:
- Next week, you don’t know how to quickly increase body weight?
- Take more pancakes for the bar.
- No, you did not understand, very quickly!
“Then eat them!”
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And here’s the joke about men:
- Daddy, do you want a cold beer?
“Of course I want, son, do you have one?”
- No, I'm just kidding me.
The best jokes according to Petrosyan himself
Close your eyes and imagine yourself running on soft grass earlier in the morning, morning dew touches your legs, and your lungs fill fresh air. Well, tell me, what could be better than the lack of jogging?
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Jokes about beach vacations are also popular in the arsenal of Evgeny Petrosyan, here is one of the most famous:
- Man, hello, I'm resting here, and will you allow me to meet you? Just don’t think anything bad, it’s literally for one night! Well, a maximum of two!
“Madame, who do you take me for!” I am a real man - for the whole vacation!
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My father-in-law works as a doctor and talks about a case that recently happened. Grandfather comes to me, well, he’s about 90 years old, picking his feet barely, with a cane:
- What are you complaining about?
- You see the doctor, when I have sex, in the end I have a noise in my ears. What is it?
- And they applaud you.
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The wife runs to her husband, who is sitting at the computer, and shouts:
- Dear! I just got raped! Imagine walking in the park, and here it is!
- Eat a lemon!
- But why?
- Yes, so that the smile from your face is erased.
And this is far from an incomplete list of the best jokes of Evgeny Vaganovich.